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Monday, June 14, 2010

Home Sweet Home!

Although we were away from home to get "healed", it was so nice to leave New York City after a hellish week.  To see my wife, bleeding from the nose, eyes, and mouth, crying, screaming, shaking, thoughts of suicide, paranoia, visual and auditory hallucinations, images of death, monsters, dark, and fear (the list can go on) made me without a word to say to except that I couldn't believe how much she could handle.  For all the things she had to endure in a very long week sums up how much pain she has been in for a very long time and what she would do to make it go away.

Allison's back is quite sore from having an epidural for 4 days while she was having her infusion.  Headaches are becoming less and she is starting to have more mindfulness with each passing day.  Right now her pain is gone but feels "different".  Perhaps her brain has been so confused over the past 12-15 years she doesn't know how it is supposed to feel.  Only time will tell.

For all your reading pleasure, Allison wrote some of her own thoughts and notes while "under the influence" during her infusion week.  As typed by Allison using her Samsung Moment Android Phone, (plug for Samsung, she loves her phone,  "Greg is my Edward Cullen.  Everyday, he showed up with a smile that took my breath away.  It filled my room and my world.  When he breathed in, I could exhale and when he exhaled and I breathed in, we were complete, nothing else mattered.  He reassures and consoles me.  I wouldn't be able to do it without him.  When people say they are scared of the shadows or that there are monsters, believe them, they are real and they do exist.  I have never been so scared in all my life and am unsure if I will ever like the dark again or go into the basement for that matter.  Whatever you call it....God, good energy, vibes, aura, karma or meta-chlorian counts (for star wars fans), it doesn't matter because it is true and it exists.  People may think its nuts but Greg and I grew stronger this week.  In a way, it was a sick twisted second honeymoon.  You don't need things like money and going on trips...all you need is LOVE!  What I did learn is that love is the only priority.  As long as I have my family: Greg, Griffin, Bella, Max, Kirby, Mom, Dad, Tim, Sue, Gavin, Ronan, and friends too, nothing else matters.  If I can't worry...enjoy the things I can do in the company of th eones I love and that love me back.  Whatever happens, we have each other and Harry Potter books help along the way."

Please note that there were plenty of typos and grammar mistakes that were fixed.  Not bad though for someone completely out of their mind.

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